6-29-05 TOP THIRTEEN

thirteen rules to know if you want to become a brit:

13. any wallet is fair game. if you can see it, grab it, its yours.

12. you only need to make your way to 3 places everyday. work. pub. home. although most of the time if you make it to the pub you will not make it home. this makes home optional. and who are we kidding, work is optional too

11. fashionably last is a proverb here. if you are fashionable (of which ALL of us londoners are) you will be late. but thats ok because your fashionable.

10. there is always room for one more on the tube. just pack em in like sardens

9. dont brush your teeth

8. never leave home without your ipod

7. ladies - always look like you just rolled out of bed and into your most fabulous bohemian outfit, especially if you live in chelsea. and your jewelry must be big flashy and more expensive than your flat.

6. men - think dirty and very gay. never wash your clothes (no trouble there) and your jeans must be tighter than your girlfriends. dont forget your cowboy boots.

5. if you own any drinking establishment - only play the best of american pop music and '90 one-hit wonders

4. tourists deserve no mercy! because tourists are not fabulous like brits.

3. its every man for himself. including the pigeons. when you walk, ignore everyone else on the street. no eye contact. if you must, go ahead and run into em. if you think your walking fast, walk faster. and if your a pigeon - any solid mass is fair game to fly into, and for a good laugh dive bomb them head on.

2. there are 3 kinds of people that drive. 1) cabbies 2) rich people 3) crazy people - which includes #1 and 2. driving rules include driving as fast as possible (freeway or residental streets doesnt matter), drive as close as possible to the cars by you, ignore lanes (one way or two way doesnt matter either), pedestrians DO NOT have the rightaway, if they are in the way dont slow down - speed up.

1. you are fabulous

so thats what ive learned so far!